No Film at 11. Please.

This just in from the Stranger Than Fiction Department. (OK: we don’t actually have a one of those. We have a WTF label. It kinda amounts to the same thing.)

It is unclear from the Associated Press piece if the woman was sitting on the toilet for two years because she wanted to, because she was stuck or because she’s… well… a loon.

This piece is so weirdly, oddly gross/disgusting/unbelievable, I’m not even going to quote from it here. Except this:
Authorities said they did not know if she was mentally or physically disabled.
So, OK: two years she’s been sitting on that john. Sleeping there. Eating there. And thinking her special thoughts, I guess. Her legs are atrophied. And the toilet seat? It thinks its part of her rear end. So… yeah: physical disability is present, I’d say.

And then SHE WAS ON THE TOILET FOR TWO YEARS. (All caps means me SHOUTING.) You can call that mental disability. I’d probably rush in more quickly than that and call her a nutjob. (Poor, wee soul.)

The piece is here. (But if you’re squeamish, please don’t go. It only gets worse.)

Film at 11? Oh god: I hope not!

Meanwhile, I found the piece on The Boston Globe’s site when I went to check out Clea Simon’s review of Benjamin Black’s The Silver Swan. Because I love Clea and I loved Black’s last novel. However, Clea didn’t so much love this second Black outing. The review is here.

(And maybe talking about nice things like Clea and The Silver Swan has gotten that yucky other stuff out of our heads. The junk out of our trunks, so to speak. Never mind.)


John McFetridge said…
Why would I follow that link? Why? You warned me and everything.

I like the neighbour saying it wasn't that weird, what was weird was it took so long to call. I wonder what the right amount of time to wait for your girlfriend to get off the toilet before you call the authorities is?

Too bad about the Banville, but short on plot isn't the worst thing for a crime novel (I sure hope).
WTF is right?! OY!

Although, I have to say I'm curious how searching The Boston Globe for Clea Simon’s review of Benjamin Black’s The Silver Swan would lead to an article on some lunatic who thinks the toilet is a royal throne. I don't want to know what she's been using for toilet paper for the past 2 years either.

Linda, I would love for you to guest blog this post on Criminal Minds at Work. Would you be interested? :)

Cheryl Kaye Tardif,
bestselling author of Whale Song
John: I *did* warn you, did I not? And see, it was way (way, way) too gross to quote overmuch from. Wow! Like I'm always saying: you can not make this stuff up. (In this case, I'm not sure why you'd want to, but there you are.)

And, Cheryl: like most newspaper sites, the stories on The Boston Globe's site all have tabs to top linked stories (or some such). I want to me it clear (and perhaps previously had not made it clear enough but thought it wnt without saying!) there is no correlation -- none! -- between Clea's wonderful writing and an insane woman with a penchant for... um... extreme privacy.
Clea Simon said…
WTF?!? This is right up there with Larry King interviewing someone who claimed to be "Kristen"'s pimp (that's Eliot Spitzer's girl, fyi). Hey, I was at the gym. That's what they had the TV on.

And thanks for crossposting my Globe review - though of course now I see that I seem to have a fondness for the phrase "may not matter." Ah well, it's deadline writing, right? But if I'm going to criticize others' writing, I should be a tad more careful about my own.
Ummm... you don't need to be more careful. That's what editors are supposed to be for!
Clea Simon said…
Yeah, well, I worked as an editor there for a decade. That's why I should know to be more careful as a writer. Anyway, thanks for posting. Black's writing is gorgeous, and I'll be curious to hear what you think. This, to me, was just not "Christine Falls" or "The Sea."

still worth the time, though!
John McFetridge said…
Clea, I didn't see the Larry King interview, but I'm wondering what about the fact that Kristen had pimp, a perfectly normal relationship in her business, was like this woman who... oh never mind, I don't want to think about this anymore!

Next time you warn me, Linda, I'll take it more seriously.
Clea Simon said…
I'm not entirely sure I follow your train of thought, John, or that I want to. But my first reaction is, well, a pimp turns a woman OUT, this gal's male colleague, well, nevermind.

And of course the big question remains: Why did he call last week? After two years? Why then? Things that take up too much of our mental energy.
Jody said…
AS a Kansan, I've been following the news on this. My first comment to my daughter, was "who's crazier, him or her?"
It seems this was a gradual thing. She retreated to the bathroom and then just wouldn't come out. He fed her, brought her changes of clothing, etc. She wasn't really on the toilet for the whole two years. But then she DID sit down and not move. He should have called for help much sooner. At least there were two bathrooms in the house!

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